When You Say NO to One Thing, You Say YES to Another!
Are you struggling to make progress towards your goals?
First, take another look at the goal. Is it really YOUR goal? Something you are passionate about? If not, this could be why you are struggling to make it a priority each day. However, if this really is your burning desire goal, the issue is probably time management. You may just have too much on your plate to devote the time needed to accomplish your goal. Learn to say “no”.
Often, we find ourselves saying “yes” to please others. However, because we are already overcommitted, we do a mediocre job on the new task and our priorities take a back seat. When deciding to add something new to your schedule, ask yourself,
If you find that you often say “yes” to a new activity or task because you are caught off guard – try using this wording to buy you time to really decide if this request is something consistent with your values and priorities. “If you need to have an answer right now, I must decline. But if you can give me 24 hours to check my schedule and get back to you, I may be able to accommodate your request.”
When you’ve determined that the new activity doesn’t fit your priorities, decline the task firmly and concisely.
Some wording you can use,
- “I’d love to help, but that just won’t fit into my schedule.”
- “This just isn’t my area of expertise; maybe Sue can help you.”
- “I’m over-committed right now and I just wouldn’t be able to give this the time it deserves, so I’ll need to pass. Please ask me again in the future in case my schedule opens up.”
- If you feel you must say “yes”, put some time constraints on it, “I can only commit one hour to this project on Tuesday.”
Remember, it’s easier to say NO now, and change your answer to YES later, rather than the other way around.
In the words of John C. Maxwell – “Learn to say ‘no’ to the good so you can say ‘yes’ to the best.
What words have you found helpful when declining a task? Which situations have you been caught off guard in? What challenges or successes have you had declining tasks? Please post a comment below!
(image credit Stuart Miles)
Sing it sista! Women are so prone to saying “yes” to everything and then we wonder why we’re overwhelmed, exhausted and ready to take off for the nearest island. It took me getting serioiusly ill to learn how to say “no” and boy, what freedom that bought me, especially when I found ways like you’re sharing to do it without feeling like a smuckola!
Have a great one!
Hi MamaRed –
I appreciate your comment – and validation! Why does it so often take a major life event for us to put ourselves first and value our time?! Ahhhh . . . questions for the universe!
Lisa
I agree it can be very hard to say no. I’m going to try to put into action some of the ways of politely declining that you mention.
Phoebe –
I’d love to hear how it goes when you put this strategy into action. Which phrase(s) worked best?! Please check in, and thanks for commenting!
Lisa
You’re so welcome Lisa and I have that question too (although in my case I think it was my “I’m too much/too little/gotta be a ‘good girl'” script that I’ve been playing for years. That one’s gotta go and definitely on the top of my list!
Best of luck – change the recording!!! :)
Oh, yeah, definitely putting a new recording in “loop mode!”
I 100% agree with this post. Although it is very hard to say no, it’s ultimately better for our own sanity and health! I love that you put examples of wording as I think that is where a lot of people get hung up — they don’t know how to phrase it without being seen as a bad person. I have noticed that I tend to say yes and then say no which I hate doing, so when you said ‘remember, it’s easier to say no now and then say yes later’ that really hit home with me.
Alexandra –
Thrilled you found the wording helpful! Do you have any favorite phrases that you use to say “no”?
Lisa
Yes! I like to try to stay positive so I usually start with something like… “I’d love to but” and then explain why – for example “I’d love to but I already am committed to… or I just can’t take that on right now…” I worry sometimes that saying no to someone will be hurtful, so I try to explain that while I would like to do whatever they’re asking, I just can’t and that it has nothing to do with them.
Alexandra –
This is great – firm and kind!!!
Lisa
I so agree with this. Imagine we said “Yes, I’ll do it.. but I don’t plan on doing it very well.” Would anybody want us to say yes? Stopping in from Blog Formatting!
Seana –
Ahhh . . . perfect phrase! I’m going to borrow “I’ll do it, but I don’t plan on doing it very well” when I’m working with my clients this week! So appropriate and to the point!
Lisa
It is so empowering to be able to say No, and not feel mean saying it. These are fabulous effective tips to be enable us to do so.
Lorelle-
Thanks for stopping by! I think when we are in tune with our values – it becomes much easier to say no, mean it, and do it kindly!
Lisa
Great time to find this article. I have learned to say no to someone lately, who was trying to take me in a direction for my business that I didn’t want to go. I knew it wouldn’t take me in the direction of my goals, so I politely declined TWICE, before they got the message. You need to be your own advocate for the direction you want your business to go in, because in the end you have to live with the end result.
Jill –
Couldn’t have said it better myself! When we know ourselves and our values and our goals – it is so much easier to live the life we choose! What wording did you use when you said no? I’m always on the lookout for a great phrase!
Lisa
Lisa, I said “this was not a good time for me to take my business in that direction, and that it wasn’t in my budget for this year”
Jill –
Perfection – to the point, in line with your values, and kind!
Lisa
Thank you, Lisa